Proven Process for Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs in Difficult Conversations

Proven Process for Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs in Difficult Conversation

Have you ever been extremely determined to speak with someone about something upsetting you but slowly “chickened out” or found yourself coming up with a thousand reasons why not to say anything?  It may sound like: “I don’t want to hurt their feelings”, “They got really angry and yelled at me last time”, or “You won’t be able to be professional in your delivery.  You will probably cry”.
The Learning Laboratory
That little voice inside you is simply the fear center of your brain holding onto old beliefs that no longer serve you.  It is time to learn to overcome those fears, be bold, be courageous and discover that difficult conversations are nothing more than simple dialogues designed to build  relationships, develop trust and grow with one another.
As you begin to approach taking action on your difficult conversation, you may find that your  thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs, attitudes, memories, body sensations and points of view are in the way of moving ahead.  And, we must know that this is completely normal.  All of us go through the same self-limiting conversations, recall of harmful experiences and plethora of negative assumptions.  That is why Step 2: Getting the Schmutz Out of the Way is all about overcoming these internal obstacles to set ourselves up for a successful, growth-producing conversation.
Coaching Tips
We begin with a simple exercise aimed at uncovering these opinions, thoughts and beliefs that are getting in the way of seeing something clearly.

1. Our Self-Limiting Beliefs: When thinking about delivering this difficult conversation, what initial thoughts arise that doubt your ability to do it with ease and grace?  Develop a short list of what your self-limiting beliefs are telling you.
2. Our Preconceived Assumptions: When visualizing this conversation, what thoughts arise about the other person’s ability to hear this news with an open mind and heart?  Develop a short list of your assumptions and past experience about this individual.
3. Projected Outcome: With these answers in mind, what is your outlook on the success of the conversation?  Write down your thoughts on what the outcome will look like with these answers above.
4. Desired Outcome: Is this the outcome you desire?  If not, what is the outcome you desire?
5. Willing to Set Aside: What are three thoughts that you would benefit from setting aside?  Choose three from the lists in questions one and two.
6. New Outlook: What are three new thoughts that would serve you in holding this conversation with confidence, compassion, ease, courage and grace?  You cannot simple reverse the negative thoughts (i.e. You can’t change ‘this individual always gets angry’ to ‘this individual will not get angry’)  You have to explore deeper what thoughts would benefit you in generating a powerful and productive conversation.

So, our final question to you: Are you willing to set aside the opinions, thoughts and beliefs that may be getting in the way of seeing something